If I were to look at 2025 through the lens of a video game, it was probably my first year without a "Main Quest."
There were no clearly defined KPIs like in previous years, nor a single, overarching goal. Life felt like it had scattered into fragments on the floor. But looking back from the end of the year and trying to "connect the dots," I realized these dots all point to the same thing: allowing others to be others, and finally, allowing myself to be myself.
This is my second year in Canada, and the year I rebuilt my internal order.
I. Moving to Vancouver
The first change of 2025 was a shift in geography. After living a near-hermit life in Victoria for a year, our whole family moved to the Greater Vancouver area.
Back when we lived on the island, "going to Vancouver" was a grand ritual. It meant spending hundreds of dollars on ferries and gas, and exhausting the whole family just to "revenge shop" at T&T and H-Mart. Or, we’d make the trip to the mainland just for a specific sauce or some viral food trend we saw on social media. Back then, Vancouver carried a certain halo of scarcity.
After moving here, the biggest change has been that Vancouver has been "demystified" for me.
Now, I rarely go to T&T or H-Mart. The bustle and convenience I once craved have lost their ability to make me anxious now that they are readily available. I no longer need to make a fuss just to "eat something good." More accurately, I no longer need to use a "trip to Vancouver" to reward myself, soothe myself, or prove that I’m doing okay.
This reduction in desire for external stimulation and material things felt like a signal: my attention is starting to turn inward, focusing more on what I actually need.
II. Making Peace with Myself: ADHD
The biggest rediscovery of myself this year was being diagnosed with ADHD.
By mid-year, due to a pile-up of various events, my attention system had nearly collapsed. My brain felt like a tangled web; frequent task-switching made it impossible to focus on anything. It was pure internal friction and misery. It wasn't until I stumbled upon some tweets about ADHD on X (Twitter) that it hit me: Wait, isn't this me?
After some research, I saw a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with ADHD, as expected. Following the diagnosis, I started taking Vyvanse on my doctor's recommendation. I still remember the first day I took the meds—it felt like I had been given a brand-new brain.
I vividly recall waking up that day and going straight to brush my teeth—without needing to go back to the bedroom to grab my phone as a "crutch" like I always used to. While brushing, I suddenly noticed a white decorative strip above the mirror. I had lived there for almost a year, but that was the first time I clearly "saw" it. My vision hadn't improved; my brain was finally able to keep up with my eyes to truly perceive my immediate environment.
This wasn't about turning into a robot; it was God giving the power of choice back to me.
Previously, doing two LeetCode problems required massive mental gymnastics, and I would inevitably get interrupted by the urge to check Twitter or watch videos. But now, when a distracting thought pops up, I can immediately swat it away and get back to business.
After nearly half a year on medication, my work efficiency has almost doubled. More importantly, along with the boost in efficiency, my emotions have become unprecedentedly stable. In the past, if the kid broke a bowl or the dog bit my pant leg, I might have been instantly irritated. Now, I can face these accidents with complete calm.
III. Life is Inherently Boring
After the ADHD diagnosis, to align with this new cognitive awareness, I consciously began reconstructing my habits. The core principle was simple: lower the dopamine threshold and accept boredom.
I realized that constant external stimulation only raises the threshold for happiness higher and higher, until you need stronger hits just to feel "okay." So, I started doing subtraction:
- Diet: I started checking ingredient lists, reducing high-sugar, high-oil, and highly processed foods (especially those with long ingredient lists). I cut down on refined carbs and made my vegetable and fruit intake more consistent.
- Work Mode: I stopped chasing superficial efficiency and quit multitasking. I abandoned complex digital productivity systems and returned to Post-it notes and loose-leaf binders.
- Mindset: I gave up perfectionism. I allow things to be imperfect, and I allow accidents to happen.
When I stopped trying to fill every single second, I found I could easily practice the kind of "Deep Work" Cal Newport writes about.
IV. Kathy’s "Little Brother"
While I was rebuilding my internal order, our family life found new anchors thanks to two little ones.
Kathy finally went back to school this year at age 5. She had a painful experience with kindergarten in China at age 3, to the point where her main reason for not wanting to live in China is still "I don't want to go to a Chinese kindergarten." Seeing her go to school happily every day now puts my mind at ease. It also confirms that the decision we made two years ago wasn't wrong.
The other new member is Ramen, the family member with the shortest legs—a Corgi.
In January, we contacted a kennel in the US online. By late March, we drove two full days to Lewiston, Idaho, to bring him home. The trip was incredibly worth it. Ramen has brought so much joy to this house. Kathy adores him and introduces him to everyone she meets as her "little brother."
Because of the dog, we have to go out at least twice a day. This has not only passively increased my physical activity but also increased the quality time I spend with Kathy. And when I’m working alone in the study, Ramen just lies quietly by my feet.
Welcome home, little guy.
V. Returning to the Workforce
After leaving my former employer exactly two years ago, I signed an offer and am about to start my next job.
This offer didn't come easily. I had a long gap year at home, followed by four months of applying and interviewing. Just when I found a job I was happy with, a hiring pause at the new company forced me to wait another two months. During the process, I told myself countless times that I couldn't afford to be picky anymore. But thankfully, I ended up picking a role I actually wanted.
I’m very happy that this was a true two-way selection. Finding a job in China often felt passive, with a hint of subservience. But this time, at least in all the stages before onboarding, this company objectively met all my requirements and even offered many surprises.
It is a challenge, a new experience, and my starting point for returning to society.
👋
In 2025, I didn't achieve anything earth-shattering. It might even have been the most mundane year of my life.
But I learned to allow others to be others, and more importantly, I finally allowed myself to be myself.
No longer obsessed with proving who is right or wrong, no longer chasing the perfect system, no longer held hostage by dopamine. I know what I want, and I am walking steadily on my own path.
Goodbye 2025, Hello 2026.